he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
