I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
