I will die if light touches me.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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