The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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