Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
did i walk over a car last night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
