why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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