Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

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(936): View more from Texas

So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward

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(734): View more from Michigan

going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.

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(941): View more from Florida

can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

(1-941): View more from Florida

idk, I had a turtle in mine.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.

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(432): View more from Texas

There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...

(917): View more from New York City

Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog

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