I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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