and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
