yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
