If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
