I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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