You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
