dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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