Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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