Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
