Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
