Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
