Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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