So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
