I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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