just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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