pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
