none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
