I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
