How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
