I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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