Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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