it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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