can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
