Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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