idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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