too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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