That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
