i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
