Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
