I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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