i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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