I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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