If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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