i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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