Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i've created a new STD.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
