Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
