the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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