i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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