I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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