oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
