U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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