I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
