Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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