Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
