how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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