put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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