There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
