one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
