took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
