speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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