"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
