cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
