I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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