I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
