My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
