you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
