The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
