I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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