I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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