You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
