Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
