Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
